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Any resemblance to actual events is purely concidental.

THE WISE HOME BUYER’S GUIDE

The road to buying a house is paved with dwindling bank accounts, devious brokers, and home owners who (you hope) are desperate to sell. Yes, it’s a challenge. But with the help of these easy to follow instructions, you can negotiate your way into unthinkable debt…”

1. Calculate what you can afford to pay. Promise yourselves not to exceed it by thirty grand.

2. Choose where you’d like to live. Check real estate ads. Call a few brokers. Select more realistic locale.

3. Wonder if you can afford it even with loans from both pairs of parents. Conclude you can’t unless you each get a twenty percent raise. Go ahead and buy it anyway.

4. Order title search. Learn that a piece of the driveway’s on public land. Learn that a neighbor’s fence is on your future land. Worry. Learn there’s no reason to worry. Wonder why you bothered with a title search.

5. Attend closing. Sign reams of paper you don’t understand. Papers your lawyer says are “standard.” Give lawyer money for valuable advice. Give sellers money. Give bank money. Give title insurer money. Go home. Have a martini.

6. Look up Chapter 13 lawyers in the phone book for future reference.

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